Friday, 14 January 2011

Mascot Match-Up: Leeds United v Scunthorpe United

Big bad Scunny Bunny v Lucas the Scaredycat
Mascot Match-Up: it's the series where I predict the result of a random football match by comparing the two clubs' mascots before the match, and deciding which one I like the best.

The story so far...

Rotherham United v Aldershot Town (bear v phoenix) was predicted correctly; Exeter City v Sheffield Wednesday (lion v owl) was not.

This time around, it's the turn of yet another Yorkshire team, Leeds United, and their mascot, Lucas The Kop Cat; and North Lincolnshire's Mighty Irons, Scunthorpe United (or Firewall FC, as they are referred to in The Guardian's daily newsletter, The Fiver), featuring Scunny Bunny. So, who's best?

Lucas calls himself a cat, and yet is so obviously a snow leopard. This is wrong. Call yourself Lucas The Leopard, and I might take you more seriously. No goal.

Lucas must be an acronym - something like Leeds United Cats Are Stylish? Leeds United Cat Ate Sausage? I don't know - I feel as though he's hiding something. Come on Lucas, out with it! What does your name stand for? Is it rude? Is there a secret message in there for the New World Order? Does L actually stand for Lizard? No goal.

Scunny Bunny. The legendary Scunny Bunny. Did you know that he is married to Hunny Bunny? You didn't? Well, he is. I wonder if they've had babies? Do they all have rhyming names too? Some possible names for Scunny and Hunny's rabbit kittens:
  • Funny Bunny (ambition: to be a world-famous comedian)
  • Runny Bunny (would like to be a famous athlete, but preferably not doing the same job as Uncle Hare, who had a tragic accident at Skegness Greyhound Stadium last Autumn - but we don't talk about that...)
  • Tunny Bunny (strange rabbit, likes eating tuna - thinks he's a cat. Hasn't learnt how to purr yet, but he's trying hard)
  • Nunny Bunny (she's the one in the convent garden, tending the young carrot plants)
  • Clunny Bunny (ambition: to be the mayor of Clun in Shropshire)
Etc, and so forth. I'm sure you can think of many more...

Are cats scared of rabbits? It certainly looks like it in the illustration. Having owned two bunnies at the same time as two kitties, I can confirm who's boss when the two species meet (and it's not the meat-eaters). Tommy flattened his ears and moved faster than an express train whenever one of the bunnies came near him. And because Lucas is obviously running away from Scunny, I'm going to award a controversial GOAL to Scunthorpe United! This is controversial because the chances of high-flying Leeds losing at home to struggling Scunthorpe tomorrow are minimal. However, I am predicting a shock result:

Leeds United 0-1 Scunthorpe United

We'll see what happens in 15 hours or so...

UPDATE:

Oh dear! I hope no-one rushes off to the bookies and puts money on these match-up results. Do they? Just do the opposite, okay?


Final score:


Leeds United 4-0 Scunthorpe United

So logically, Lucas must be way way better than Scunny Bunny. Perhaps he really is a cute household moggy, after all? There are some odd-looking breeds of cat these days (although, to be honest, I don't know of any breeds that wear a Leeds United kit). Perhaps he's not actually hiding anything? Perhaps Scunny and Hunny were too busy looking after the kids to show up at Elland Road, resulting in the Scunthorpe players becoming discombobulated and losing confidence in their usual world-beating abilities? Or perhaps Scunthorpe were just out of their depth, and it was nothing to do with the quality of mascots on show.

I don't know, I just don't know...

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