Saturday, 11 December 2010

Mascot Match-Up: Rotherham United v Aldershot Town

Aldershot Town's Phoenix (left) takes on Rotherham United's Miller The Bear, today at 3pm.
Here's an idea: predicting the result of a random football match by comparing the two team mascots, and deciding which one I like the best.

The first in what could be a very short series: Rotherham United versus Aldershot Town, taking place at the Don Valley Stadium this afternoon.

The home team's mascot is Miller The Bear, who is new for 2010/11, replacing a rosy-cheeked Yorkshire miller in a flat cap, who in turn, replaced the Rotherbird a few years ago. Miller The Bear looks quite cuddly - a proper big teddy, for which I'm going to award RUFC a GOAL. On the other hand, real bears are omnivores, which means they eat pretty much anything, including humans (okay, not all bears, but don't go too near a polar bear in the wild if you value your life). However, I can't see Miller noshing on anyone any time soon, which makes him a nice friendly mascot. Another GOAL for RUFC.

Aldershot Town are represented by The Phoenix. Now, I have a problem with phoenixes in general: any business who like to think of themselves, or a product, as new and exciting (or rising from the ashes, zzzz) will invariably turn to the phoenix as a great big cliché. ATFC have a phoenix on their club badge - boring and uninventive. No goal. The other big problem I have with phoenixes in general is the common mis-spelling - phEOnix (which would be pronounced FEE-ON-IX). This makes them sound like a second-rate Pokémon character. Again, no goal.

As for the actual mascot...well, he's just plain scary. There's not a cuddly feather on his entire body. He looks like he'd peck you to death as soon as look at you. And imagine looking down his throat if you were brave enough to get up close. If the human inside was wearing a red balaclava, he would look like a bloomin' great  tonsil with eyes staring back at you. Again, no goal for ATFC.

So, based on the clash of the mascots, I predict that this afternoon's result will be:

Rotherham United 2-0 Aldershot Town.

Mind you, if they had a fight, I reckon the phoenix would win every time. Poor old Miller.


Deep joy for football bear.
Well, the final score was 1-0 to Rotherham, so I was nearly right. It may be that giving a goal for both cuddliness and friendliness was one goal too many, or perhaps I should have deducted one for Miller squatting in the centre-circle in the top picture - he might have been having a poo (although, to be fair, his shorts are pulled right up, so he probably wasn't).

Another random match-up to follow soon...


  1. Well you weren't far off.

    If it came to a national mascot league, I'd expect Southend Utd to be up there, although there's just a hint of Ku Klux Klan about the shrimp.

  2. ... although it might be Elvis J Eel who looks like a tweeny crossed with a shark

  3. You never know, Southend's tasty shrimp might be next on the menu...

    I'll stick a metaphorical pin in next weekend's fixture list and see what happens.