Alfred the Fresh Young Carrot

Young, fresh and curiously sexy - Alfred the Carrot

And so begins the tale of young Alfred, the big-nosed carrot, who first came into my life last Wednesday. I was just about to start peeling him, ready for the pot, when I noticed his appealing features - his outsized proboscis, arched eyebrows and goofy smile - but it was the buck teeth that really made my heart melt.

And then he spoke...

He spoke of his life since he went overground, hauled from the earth by a rusty piece of farm machinery somewhere in darkest Cambridgeshire. He spoke of being washed, sorted and packed in to a recyclable plastic bag with ten of his family, then taken by lorry to Morrisons supermarket in Totton. He told me he was claustrophobic, and of how happy he was to be alive and free from the sweaty plastic bag at last.

I told him that I wouldn't chop him up and use him as a colourful salad accompaniment. I told him I would help him, that I would take him to parties where he could meet the stars, that he could have a life above and beyond that of an ordinary carrot. He cried, and as a dribble of snot rolled down his upper lip, he blushed, turning bright orange, and told me that he was the happiest carrot that ever lived.

So I chopped up his brother Fred instead. Mmm, tasty!

Lyrics Quiz 2: 69 Love Songs

Tommy! Your copy of 69 Love Songs is upside-down!

The words for Lyrics Quiz number 2 all come from one album, which you might think should make things easy, until you realise that the album has 69 songs on it! Split into three discs, 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields is a fine collection of tunes taken from a wide variety of genres (and you can quote me on that). And what's more, of the people I know that regularly visit this blog, at least three of them rate it very highly indeed! So, this quiz is for you...

Name the songs that the following lyrics come from:

1. If you really loved me, you'd buy me the Great Pyramid
2. Grand pianos crash together
3. You are a splendid butterfly
4. This is for Holland-Dozier-Holland!
5. Refer servicing to qualified service personnel
6. You were an Army officer and I just a Rockette
7. If I was Paul Bunyan, I'd carry you so far away
8. My mama said gently, you can buy her a Bentley
9. In tat or tatters you're entrancing
10. The princess there is me, decked out like a Christmas tree

I shall post the answers in the comments area in a few days. Good luck!

Lyrics Quiz 1: The Smiths

Minty with his marvellous collection of Smiths vinyl.

It's time for another quiz. This time it's a lyrics quiz!

Every sensitive soul since 1983 has spent at least some time obsessed with The Smiths. We all know their songs. If you can sing along to their big hits, their small hits, their B-sides and the less well-known album tracks, then you will do well at this quiz. But how well?

Name the songs that these lyrics come from. Seven out of ten will be a great score! I shall post the answers in the comments area next week.

1. Belligerent ghouls run Manchester schools.
2. I broke in to the palace with a sponge and a rusty spanner.
3. Please the press in Belgium.
4. Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear.
5. I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you.
6. "He never really looks at me, I give him every opportunity"
7. I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of.
8. I'd like to drop my trousers to the Queen. Every sensible child will know what this means.
9. I know the windswept mystical air, it means I'd like to see your underwear.
10. I'm going to meet the one I love, at last, at last, at last.

My Lovely Internet Radio, Part Two

Due to the orange street lamps, the sky really is that brown around here!

Beneath the dirty brown skies of Southampton*, you often find me listening to my lovely new internet radio. For rock n roll and soul, it has to be WMFU, but for other moods, there are thousands of other stations out there, approximately 1% of which meet with my music snob approval.

One such is Dandelion Radio, who profess to channel the spirit of John Peel. They have real DJs, which makes a pleasant change from the many stations that just play MP3 playlists. My favourite disc spinner is Rocker, who was previously in The Rosehips and The Flatmates. He tends to play "my sort of indiepop", so I try and tune in when he's on in the daily schedule spinaround. Past sessions by the likes of The Wedding Present, Manhattan Love Suicides and Liechtenstein give you an idea of what to expect.

Rocker isn't the only half-decent presenter on Dandelion Radio, so it's worth tuning in at any time to hear what's happening. However, as soon as any of them play any Mogwai soundalikes, I hit the retune button!

* They have now banned blue skies around these parts, as it reminds them of Portsmouth FC - if they could have red and white stripy sky, they bloomin' well would! See also nearby Eastleigh FC and AFC Totton, who have both changed their traditional blue kits this season, as presumably that colour hits sales of replica kit in their club shops [blogger tuts and shakes his head with disapproval].

I Love My Internet Radio!

Get down off that tree Tommy, and come and listen to some rock and soul on WFMU!

After dropping a few hints, I received an internet radio for Christmas. I listen to music for an unhealthy proportion of my waking hours, and I'm always curious to hear new sounds. Being able to tune in to any radio station in the world or any available podcast or "listen again" whilst cooking macaroni in the kitchen without the hum of the PC as an irritating background noise was highly appealing.

I love my indiepop, my rocksteady and my post-punk, but I also want to know more about the soul and rockabilly sounds of the late 1950s and early 1960s, so I searched for a station which would give me the sounds that inspired The Cramps. I found it at WFMU Rock & Soul.

Below is an old programme from the excellent Fool's Paradise With Rex series. It features (at approximately 27 minutes in) the tune which may have influenced The Cramps more than any other song - Cravin' by Bobby Roberts with The Bad Habits. It rocks!

I'll link to some of my other favourite stations in the near future, but if anyone knows of any similar station to this one, I'd love to hear about it!