Ghastly Football Kits

Notts County's prototype away kit on a soap-on-a-rope box.

I'm usually asleep by the time the third match comes along on Match of the Day, bored rigid by Hansen and Shearer's inane comments. I rarely go to bed though, as there is a slight chance that I might wake up in time for Pompey's 30 second slot on The Football League Show at 12.35am. Some hope.

This Saturday though, I did it! I finally did it! I was awake when the Third and Fourth Division games came on for the first time this season. And I was shocked at what I saw. Not the standard of football compared to the highest tier of English football - I'm used to that after following Pompey all my life.

No, it was the kits. Why do so many clubs change their colours when there's no clash with their usual first choice? And why are so many of these change kits so...ghastly? Yeovil Town's steward-wear with claw rips was bad (actually, probably the worst in the entire professional leagues). But the ones that got my goat in particular were Notts County and Port Vale, both of whom played in pink.

Now, there are certain colours that are NOT football colours - pink, brown and purple in particular. Unless you are Fiorentina or Anderlecht, you should not be playing in purple; brown was Coventry City's away kit circa 1975; pink is okay if you're Italian. Otherwise, no, no, no! Notts County's kit reminded me of the colours on my old soap-on-a-rope box from the late 1970s - specifically designed so that nobody could sue Avon for copying their kit without permission. Perhaps Avon can ask Notts County for royalties now they've copied their old design?

Everything's rubbish these days.